Things I Would Tell my Sisters if I Could Go Back in Time

If you know me at all, I've made no secret of the fact that I grew up in a family where domestic violence was prevalent. Now I work at a domestic violence emergency shelter and rape crisis center. That didn't actually happen on purpose, it was just kind of the way things worked out. Being on this side of the issue, I've learned a lot of things. I know lots about the effects of domestic abuse on children who witness violence, even when they are not actually victims of physical abuse themselves. The numbers are astounding (6x more likely to commit suicide, 26 times more likely to commit sexual assault, 56 times more likely to abuse drugs . . . and so on). Something important that I've learned and witnessed is that dv is generational. It's observed by children and repeated when they become adults. Somewhere along the way, I was blessed, I got lucky, or something. There are a few "truths" or things that I picked up along the way from various influences, that my sisters did not pick up on. I don't know if no one told them, or if they were told and discarded or what. Here is what I wish I could impart, if I could go back and be the person for them that someone else was for me.

*A man (boyfriend/husband/partner) should enhance your life, not define it. If you want someone to define your life, let it be Christ. Be the best you can be and you'll attract the best man for you.

*No one should tell you how to feel or that your feelings aren't important. Everyone will hurt your feelings at some point, even a good partner. But someone who doesn't care about your feelings or always tells you that they are wrong, is not only rude, but he's wrong and he's a waste of your time.

*A good man will respect you and love you no matter what you wear. Every outfit may not be his favorite but he likes your wardrobe because it's a reflection of you and doesn't use it as a tool to control how you appear to other people.

*The major sign of an abuser is the need to control, not being angry all the time. You can be controlled without any sign of anger.

*Jealousy does not equal love. Love is trust.

*It's okay to tell your opinion. You're as important in the relationship as the guy. Your hopes, dreams, desires, opinions and thoughts are all important. If he doesn't think so, then he's arrogant and not going to be fun to live with in the long haul.

*when dating, imagine what life with this guy will be like in the long haul, not just today. You get to the long haul one day at a time.

Those are just a few things I'd tell them if I could go back. I tell them now but certain things are easier to realize when you're younger and more impressionable. And before you make the BIG decisions in life.

What advice would you give?

I've got a blog?!

Sometimes I forget I have this blog because I blog mostly over at Xanga. I like to kick it old school that way. ha.

School has started, work has continued on, the kids are getting older and man is time flying!

Last night I spent 20 minutes doing a homework assignment with Alex, that he wasn't sure if he had to turn in or not. I always assume he has to turn it in, otherwise, what's the point? Anyway, on the way home from school today I asked him if he had to turn it in and get a grade and he said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but we graded it in class and then I put it in the recycling bin." I asked what grade he got and he said, "Well, it was probably an A". I don't really know what that means. ha.